journal, over7seas, San Francisco, writing
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Levitation practice in San Francisco

So where is this story at now? Well. We are part way through home sitting, watering plants, keeping the place safe, feeding cats and giving them time and attention so that they feel well… And how is all that going? I think ok.

I have my first German language students, taking 2-3 classes per week each, which is a huge, giant, levitation inspiring, relief.It has been a while since I have had such interested students and it feels incredibly rewarding.

But then there is the annual housing conundrum, the issue that always causes the break in our make-or-break life in America.. (You might know that I have had a green card since about 2013, or was it 14, and since then, even more than before been trying to make a go of living here. This year was the year where I made the big announcements that “I AM MOVING TO AMERICA”.. So here I am.. But really it is all as uncertain as it ever was. But the world is changing and we need to, too.

Today I checked in on an Airbnb listing that is just horrendous: a tiny shack for $2357 (I kid you not, Jason wouldn’t believe me but you can check it for yourself here).. You have to see it to believe it. It didn’t have a proper bed but a weird single mattress home-built contraption; I am not high maintenance by any standards at all, but for that amount of money: get a bed sorted will you..  It just made me mad and cross.

Cross because that is meant to be an acceptable deal and by any logical, rational, sane conclusion it just is not even borderline acceptable. I would be satisfied with an exclamation of “well but you don’t need to rent it” IF there were affordable options anywhere on the market that were acceptable. When I say affordable I am already thinking $1200 for a little room, or $2000 for an apartment with 2 rooms (not 2 bedrooms, just 2 different rooms, where the second room is not a toilet or bathroom, so we can once in a while have some privacy. ..)

Oh and then today I got pickpocketed! They stole my hosuekeys. Such a pointless exercise. I am so annoyed. It means I will have to spend $88 + the cost of 3 extra keys ($2 each) to make up for the loss and to guarantee that the home we are housesitting is safe. Jason says it’s safe and I shouldn’t worry because I took so many detours and stops on the way home I can guarantee that nobody followed me. Oftentimes on the way home I was the only person on the street, then I stopped at 2 different cafes, not once going to the house where I was locked out because I noticed that I was locked out before stepping of the empty public transport.. So I went to another cafe to wait for Jason to come collect me by car.. Between the point of being pickpockets and finally getting home were so many stops and several hours.

How am I so sure it was pickpocketing? I passed through a part of town that is just notorious for this. And even so I thought I had my wits about me (having twice before in life been stolen from by ingeniously talented pickpockets) I could just feel something isn’t right but nothing seemed to be gone until I realised that it was … I suspect they pulled on my key string hoping that this would be attached to my wallet, which was right nearby but probably more difficult to clasp..

I am going off track entirely aren’t I?

Well, it ruined my day that’s all I say now. And it will cost me money I can only afford with great difficulty at a time when there isn’t enough to cover our essential costs.

What next?

I don’t know. How can we live here? I feel this is such a waste of time, except for my lovely German Students. But I feel there is so much struggle and putting things on hold and moving back and forth between housesitting and petsitting just to bridge the times in which we are unsure how to find adequate housing.. And really it feels like lunacy. EITHER we stay here and suck it up and option a) get some sort of office jobs where one pay check pays the cost of a room (seriously! That can’t be right) and the other person covers food.. or b) we buy a bus and live in that. But it is dangerous here.

I mean really dangerous. People are desperate and I don’t know what is going on but since arriving here 3 weeks ago (maybe less!) I heard of a 71 year old man being shot when a thief stole his camera on Twin Peaks, earlier this year apparently 2 other tourists got shot. Then they found a body on Bernal heights Park the other day! Then today 3 people got shot dead in Dolores Park, which is a neighbourhood – community park where hipsters and families go to hang out. It is almost always busy with people. 3 people just died there today. And there was another shooting today somewhere East of Golden Gate park, but near it, the person was only injured, luckily.

So I am literally too scared to take my camera out to take photos, which is so defeating the point of being here. I am meant to move my photography forward and create a business for myself. It all seemed like such low hanging fruit and then : puff.. Now I feel like such an idiot with all my camera gear here and I am literally NOT ever taking it out of the house.

I am not sure what to do right now. Stay here? I like my German Language classes a lot but where will we live? With a bunch of 20 year olds who are in all day play mode? I was, why shouldn’t they be? But it’s not where I am at right now.

How would we cover rent for a room for $1800, they pop up here and there, when employment here is easy come easy go, with no real securities?

Tell me, do you believe in me and think I can levitate here? 

Aka will I sink or will I float?

A part of me is already in a wild flurry and wondering if I should run as fast as I can before it all goes bad again.. Losing the key today made me feel like it was already going bad.. But then.. It’s 2 German lessons and I can pay for the lock to be replaced.. But then.. we needed that money for very basic living essentials..

Can I levitate here with so many weights dangling off me? 

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Birgit Deubner works as professional Artist / Photographer {including transferable skills such as Art directing, handling and installing} I am bilingual German & English, competent to speak, write, translate and teach both. Additionally I have studied both Traditional Thai Massage (since 2011) & Yoga (since 1997). I offer unique massage treatments and private yoga classes.

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