It is a sunday afternoon, time is closing in and once again feeling limited. Our 6 months in England (for me interspersed with a stay at an Artist Residency Program in Finland) is drawing to it’s close. The time was just long enough to recover from the extremities of Adrenal Fatigue. This is something they don’t tell you in other places: traversing the globe, surviving in far away places can take it’s toll on health; sometimes in a profound way..
But here I am, more or less put back together, the fractals reorganised into a comprehensive shape that somewhat resembles myself as I remember her.. Yes, it feels so long ago that I was last settled in one piece that I am no longer even sure the complete ‘me’ ever existed. But I do recall that in summer 2007 I felt: “I am whole in myself’. Just before a forest fire descended on my life. This is about 9 years ago! Incredible. The time. Can it be this long!? How did I survive this turbulence for so long?
The story is too long for this occasion. But it certainly was a forest fire.
Well.. California is awaiting my arrival and I best begin to tidy my things, pack my bags, bring my provisions and make sure that inspiration doesn’t go missing along the way.
These past weeks I have had so, so many ideas for projects. All I will need is a little money to realise them.
I have been so worried about the future that I put a hold on my life as an artist and tried other things. In retrospect: there is no future proofing way, except the complete abandonment of my soul into an office job that will feed the body but drain the soul. Is that life?
Am I risking a complete disaster of poverty? I think the honest answer is yes I am. It requires a lot of courage and an ounce of stupidity probably, to follow the heart anyway.
Follow the heart is overused and used too lightly. My heart has been through a lot of trials and tribulations, hardships and pains. Does the world need another artists?
How to answer that question because one can equally ask: does the world really need another arms dealer? Another pesticide producer? Another plastic toy manufacturer.. No, it does not. We are curious creatures us humans. Does the world need another human? Probably not and still we are here.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could come to terms with the fears of failure, the fears of poverty, the fears of pain and death and then get on with living this temporary life; the end of which nobody escapes.
Finding peace and acceptance within can be the only treasure we get to take with us to the final moments..