Just as I am getting ready to depart and have started my first trial packing of the smaller of 3 suitcases options I hear the news that two friends of mine really could use my support here as their new year began with seismic shifts of their life’s tectonic plates.. And everything is looking uncertain, new and possibly heartbreaking. I feel so guilty for following my life path which takes me geographically and by default also spiritually away to a far away continent.
Trial packing went reasonably well, I learnt that a large bag of my favourite clothes will not even nearly fit me anymore.. Now that is what spending a year glued to information gathering & accumulating will do to a body.. Something that has to change this year. My personal Yoga practice needs to be put firmly back on the menu of life.
I surprisingly found the resolve to pack all ill fitting, far too small, items into a bag and set it aside to bring along with me to share with my friend’s nieces in Cambodia. They will look so elegant in these clothes whereas I just look overfed and that is not a look I want to go for.. Letting go of these clothes is huge for me. Some are really beautifully tailored shirts, things I am worried I will never be able to replace (if I ever fit in them again). But I tried that approach of: leading decisions with fear, it didn’t serve me.
If I hold onto the past then how can there be space for the future? If I am very honest: my indecision to let things go has strangled me as much as my relationship. the burden that these things have placed on my life has been huge.