journal, Life, Women over 40
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Losing my home aka The Move or ‘What if?’

After the first 3 emotional updates I wonder if I am ready to accept the situation and begin to move forward in a more constructive manner. I am still contemplating possessions and their place in my life. What amount of attachment is healthy and when does it become unhealthy to hold on?

Evidently holding on to more than can fit into a vehicle is impractical, but that doesn’t stop most people. I spent much of the day looking at everything I own, one item after another and the progress of packing, letting go, moving remains extremely slow.

I realise that I am losing time in my life over this. This is time I could and should enjoy or build, instead I am looking back and yes, I am holing on because it is frightening to let go. Have you ever seen the Disney Movie of Cinderella with the cute mice? Did you notice one of the mice who was trying to hold onto too many cheeses at once? That’s how I feel now. That IS me.

(To be grammatically correct it should ready: That is I. But that isn’t how the majority of people speak so let’s not split hairs over linguistic perfection.)

Here I am with too many cheeses and I can’t carry them all. I often picture myself not making it out of a burning house because I can’t rescue everything I want in time. And so I stay inside, immobilised and that is that. Or here is another image: Did you ever see the monkey whose hand is stick inside a cage because he won’t let go of the banana that doesn’t fit through the opening? Yes that, THAT, is I. Is me. I am trapped by a design of my own creation.

So fearful of what if, that I stay velcroed to objects and memories.

But what if?

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