Let me see if I can summarise the current situation without breaking into verbal avalanche:
In a way the title sums up all you need to know about this post. This post is about myself and it is about how I face the world and situations that I perceive to be challenges in a range of scales from irritating but manageable to insurmountable.
Here are the challenges an to be fair some of them are also the beauties of my life:
International romance with a lovely man from another continent than the one I was born on, this is the beautiful part. The challenging part are immigration regulations, permissions to enter countries and stay in them together. It is not so much a matter of ‘just make a decision’ as some suggest but rather ‘flippers!’ they are taking about changing the rules and if they do then we won’t be able to live in this country together or even just one of us!
What will happen with politics has direct bearings on the reality of our romantic relationship and on the basis on which we try to build our lives.. So it all feels like sheet-ice and it is slippery and there is always the chance that the climate will change and we won’t even be able to slip, because the basis will simply melt..
Right now we are trying ourselves in San Francisco, admittedly it sounds insane (at first) that 2 artists without saving attempt to build a life here, which is well known to be a hostile rental climate for anybody on an income of under $50K per year.
Reasons for being here are the perceived opportunities (yes, I admit it, we caught the scent of money floating tantalisingly in the air and we hope that our amazing offerings: his blown glass art and my ‘all the things I do things’ will open the magic portal and give us entrance into the magic wonderland of…. . Unimaginable security? I think we are both hopping that mysteriously and entirely unannounced our luck will provide us with a lead to a collector, so a wealthy business owner who wants to commission handblown glassware or to a philanthropist who will buy a set of my fine art photographic prints that really are way too ‘full on’ for this place that seems to prefer prints of whimsical watercolour splurge painted doughnuts or abstract flowers with birds and butterflies splashed on thick (luxurious and I admit it: attractive) paper..
oh, this was meant to be me trying to turn around my approach! Gosh I slip fast from best intentions.
Here is how I should see it: “wow, an adventure!” In just under 2 weeks we are moving into a Hobbit home and we will pay $900 for it, which is just barely manageable for us but we can do it! It will be cozy and exotic and there are hummingbirds in the garden and a lemon tree and of course a fig tree which I will raid and blame it’s emptiness on racoon! I will wrestle racoons personally if they should even try climb that fig tree to munch on the fruit before me!
I should photograph every part of this eccentric journey that we are on and celebrate it! This feels counterintuitive as in the real world all this feels much more like being homeless and ruining the last chances I could have of pulling my life back together… But hey.. The stress I have felt worrying hasn’t helped me solve things, maybe I really am better of embracing….
To be honest, trying to be so positive about our situation makes me feel weird. Can I adapt and be more ‘optimistic’?